Death seeks me please...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

~Solitary Angel~

You like to be alone. Away from people you have
time to your self, and time to think things
over. You hate crowds, the heat, the
confinitey, you want open space, a way to let
go to be free. Freedom is truly what you seek.
Freedom is something gained, never to be let go
of. But alos something to share.
Weapon:Katana
" Freedom, a gift of the greatest
value...wat i crave... wat i need"

lolz.. i thought i'll be the same as my 'SCA' friend~!!

What is the angel form of your spirit?
brought to you by Quizilla

-ah_xun faced death at 8:11 PM

18th october: another day in school. soon, the first semester will be over le..hahah~ at last [cos i wan holiday!!].. lolz~ crazy le.. it's like so 'very de fast'!! time passes by without me knowing it did. exam next week, but i just started on one topic, and tat module haven't even finished yet.. =P

today came to school with my 'SCA' friend [doubt you all know the meaning.. lolz~]. we had a pleasant bus ride to school, like usual, talking all the way [haha.. sometime i really wonder, where does women find the energy and inspirations to talk]. den, we came to talk about a friend.. a secondary school friend whom i'm really disappointed with. she changed a lot, at least more 'ai mei' [likes to doll up, or vain if you prefer]. cannot stand her so-called 'act cute' behaviour, her 'whiny' voice, her 'i-dun-wanna-lose-to-you' attitude.. blah~ blah~ >=( pretty sad tat we hardly communicate anymore cos we used to be, wat others see us to be, very good friend. sigh~ =3 poly life really can change someone's personality 360 degrees.

den i ask my 'SCA' friend, 'am i backstabbing her?' her reply was, 'a bit.' frankly speaking.. i know it's not just 'a bit', but 'you are'. i couldn't.. vent out [?] my displeasure on her directly [cos she got a lot of friends. if i did, they all will think tat i'm the bad guy.. lolz~ preharps i am~ the bad one.. =P], and i told her before about 'why i dun like you' topic for like.. twice? i know she still remember, but she dun really care? hmm.. dunno la. wait till exam over, den i will tell her again.

i missed liam.. weird to say so rite? this type of thing.. when you have it, you dun treasure. once you lose it, you start to cry.. sigh =3 life so weird! till now.. 19 le.. still dun understand wat's life truly is. i dun have a goal in life. only know tat when my time is up, it's time to enjoy another life.. this time, the time will not, neva will, be up. hahahaha~ =) a promise made by God >_^ [ps.. *salvation*!!]

i miss the time when we used to chat in fairyland, chat through friendster, through messenger and now.. through handphone. dunno when.. will we.. be chatting.. face to face! hahaha~ think tat moment may be the most memorable de ba. the first guy to ***.. lolz~ [not saying!! =P]

anyway, about the friends in the previous two entries, we are stilll having cold war. 3 days le. like wat i say, unless she talked to me, i won't speak, even a 'hello' to her. hoohooho~ >=) very bad rite? hopefully can talk agian, cos exam's coming [somehow will stress me a little.. lolz~]

-ah_xun faced death at 12:06 PM

Monday, October 17, 2005

17th october: at last.. it's over.. the 'project nightmare' is finally over le!! hahahaah~ =) so happy.. can sleep at ease now [been losing sleep recently].

about the friends tat i mentioned in the previous entery, today, we hardly talk. very bad rite? i can see tat the two good friends are angry with me, but i dun care cos it's they fault! year three already.. i can't believe tat she told me that she dun know how to do summary. so..arrhh~!! >=/ and the other one, ask her to give me her summary, in the end give me irrelevant things tat i need to re-do it. like purposely one lor! [i know i very revengeful de.. so i'm trying hard to control myself from doing anything.. i mean it.. ANYTHING to THEM!! humph!! >=(] first time do project until so angry!!

hopefully we will talk one day cos next semster, we will be in the same group again. frankly speaking, i dun wan lor [only got 2 singaporeans in my group and the majority are from.. ***, no say for us, and i'm quite sick of working with the same type of people]! but the rest of my classmates always throw those people they dun wan to my group! anyone thought of how my group felt?!! not tat i'm angry tat they put them to my group, but the rest of the groups dun wanna the so-called 'extras' to be in theirs cos they felt uncomfortable working with new faces! so wat if you can get an 'a' for every projects [provided you only work with your 'buddies' everytime]? next time you all will be rarely working with each other ma! how if you can't get use to them?! sigh~ =3

ok. i confess tat most of the above is a mixture of 'how-i-really-feels' and 'i'm-very-upset-and-disappointed-with-my-friends', maybe partly of 'anger-and-envy' [tat some of the gangs like.. happier?]. sigh =3

-ah_xun faced death at 9:54 AM

Friday, October 14, 2005

14th october: sigh.. =3 now in e plaza again.. doing the stupid essay for the final year project. 1,500 words le!! most the students here dun have a strong english foundation [for most of us, tat's the reason why we ended in here.. lolz~] and yet.. sigh =3 a little unhappy with my group members. dunno why le..

yesterday write the essay till one plus two [a.m. =_= at least now, they are sitting together, cracking their brain to form the most 'prefect' sentence with the given information.. and i'm sitting at one side, typing this.. hoohoohoo~ >=)

dun intend to teach or help them unless they ask me. ahahaha~!! >=D very bad rite? who ask them.. i wrote the beginning myself, and the did the 'so-called' easy job. heh~ heh~ >_^

but God.. forgive me for being selfish and revengeful.. i can't let go Father. help me~!

-ah_xun faced death at 1:44 PM

Thursday, October 13, 2005

13th october: is it true tat gers day~dream more than guys?? in the sense tat, gers believe and crave for a fairytale ending in their life, whereas guys [obviously more practical], know tat there is no such ending.

i used to tell my bro tat i wanted to marry to a guy, who is willing to protect when i am in danger, be there for me when i needs a shoulder, hugs me when i feel lonely, and loves me like i'm the only person in this world.. =) very normal for a ger, cos tat's wat we wanted. a guy who is willing to care and love us in anyway.. haha~ >_^ but guess wat my bro told me?

'aiya.. this thing won't happen de. no one can be with a person always, cos one day, he/she will get sick of the other party de. also, if the guy really like the ger, he will work very hard to please her.. financially usually. so like tat, how can he be with her always if he needs to work? haven't finish.. nowadays, no love is everlasting de.'

interesting conclusion tat he had told me. to some certain extend, i agree with him. if the guy really likes you, he will try to provide for your needs.. be it if you wanna have a new dress, or even a diamond ring, if possible, he will try to get it for you. haahaha.. dunno if the guys are as rich as i thought.. lolz~ =P

anyway, i wrote this article just for fun. lolz!! =) no offense..

-ah_xun faced death at 1:45 PM

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

12th october: mother says.. 'if you sigh once, you will have an extra winkle on your forehead in your later life'. i dun believe cos all people will have winkles when you are old cos your skin loses it's elascity. i can't help it.

recently kept having mood swings [bipolar ma? lolz.. hope not!! =P]. i felt inferior nowadays. sometimes felt tat i'm ugly, sometimes fat, and sometimes felt tat i hated myself for who i am. but, likewise, somedays i would feel confident, somedays feel very pretty, sometimes even feel like 'firlting'. sigh~ =3 dun know which one is the 'me' tat i am.

now is the 'anti-climax' mood. sigh~ =3 again.. ah~~ hate it!! =( how??!! i hated myself for being like this!! AH!!!!!!! going out of control soon... sigh.. =3

-ah_xun faced death at 8:08 PM

Monday, October 10, 2005

10th october: today only sleep for 4 hours.. so sleepy.. headache, dizzy and short attention span sia.. sigh~ =3

time passes so fast. now is october already.. going to graduate soon.. sigh~ =3 i really dun think tat i'm fit to be a nurse yet. though i had passed all my exam [so far], i still dun think tat i qualify to be one.. ... ... ... ...

yesterday my cousiins came to my house. we took some pics.. lolz~ tat's so funny!! i'll upload it in friendster is i can find my connecter [between the camera and the com one.. lolz.. can't believe it tat i lost it.. =P]. exam coming so soon!! two weeks later will be my death day. haha.. haven't even started revising for it. dun know will pass not.. lolz..

anyway, now in e-plaza. waiting for start of bernard's class. well, been looking quite forward for it.. cos he's pretty funny, without.. lolz.. [i'm not telling..].

mood has been much better since i last wrote in. been pretty happy recently.. hahaha~ =)

btw, anyone watched the taiwan drama 'the rose' before? i quite like it [actually only like one character in tat show.. hee~]. i like the youngest brother, though he's sarcastic, and.. is a gay.. LOLZ!! neva thought i will like a gay!! especially he's a person with long hair.. real life!!! so shock!! his hair is like over shoulder-length.. super long for a guy rite? agree not? but nonetheless, he's quite good-looking la.. i like his side view. haha.. overall, dun like the eldest brother in the show. where got a guy so 'love-sicken' tat he actually go and eat flowers de!! disgusting!! but.. it's just a show.. luckily not real one.. lolz..

oh yea, God.. thanks for the encouragement when i'm down. thanks for reminding me tat You are always there for me, and thz for remaining faithful though i lost track of faith a while ago. thank you, Father! =)

-ah_xun faced death at 10:54 AM

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

4th october: life isn't going well for me nowadays.. kept having a feeling of sadness [or depression] whenever i do anything. the best part, this attutide make me dun feel like doing anything, and today i'm having my gerontology exam. sigh~

kept having insomina and chest pain, and headache too. dun know wat's going on within me, but i hope tat everything will go on well after today. but sad to say, i'm not doing well in friendship too. been comparing myself with them recently, especially with those tat i know tat i can neva be like them. ... ... ... dun tell me.. i still have identity crsis? =( hope not.. nineteen already.. coming to adulthood soon.. sigh..

or is it lol [lack of love]? i know my family loved me and so do God, but sometime i'm so stuborn tat i dun wanna see tat they do. weird rite? dun like it, but there's nothing i can do. ah!!! feel like.. sigh.. sinnful thoughts again.. =(

tried calling my closer friends to talk, but one sleeping, another not home. den i tried calling the friend who always tell me tat she will be there for me when i needs someone to talk to, but.. i dun know wat to tell her cos.. very long neva speak to her, and she's very busy with guys [surrounding her] and her own family problems. sigh.. now den i know tat friendship will not last if contact with the person is not consistent =P hate hate hate hate hate!!

-ah_xun faced death at 10:27 AM