Death seeks me please...

Sunday, May 29, 2005

29th may: i remembered yesterday tat i mentioned to go to church for recharging. well, apparently, i'm recharged spiritually and mentally! haha~ and actually learnt a few things about God's work. just wanna share a few things tat i remembered..

the speaker for today was called edward pousson. a very well-learnt speaker who really brought the point out to convience people. well, i think it's God at work. anyway, he shared with us acts 16:6-40. a long passage, but lots of meaningful things to learn. he said tat whenever we felt tat our plans dun turn out as it is, and actually seems like forcing us to turn to the some other directions, it may be the work of the devil, but may be the work of God too [pretty profound for me to unnderstand btw..]. he started telling us about his encounter about tat, and wat's the outcome. i remembered he said tat to live in God's way, you need to be prosecuted [there's a verse in the bible tat said so, can't remember where is it.. haha~]. count it as a blessing for you are following God's word.

then soon, we ended in prayer. he said, 'those who felt tat the plans in your life are disturbed, raise your hand'. i did. then he said, 'those who feels more encouraged [or something like tat..], raise your hand'. i did. but when he said, 'those who felt tat you are being prosecuted, raise your hand', i didn't. cos i felt tat i'm not. but dunno why, he didn't wan to end there. he started saying, 'perharps some are too humble to raise your hands, but if you felt any kind of prosecution, any kind. like your parents dun wan you go to go to church [wa.. think you all neva know wat's i'm feeling inside when he said tat], your boss, your friends, or even your drama series tat are stopping you to go near God [sorry, didn't really remembered wat was said, but something like tat], please raise your hands.' i was so shocked tat God really wan me to raise my hand tat much!! lolz~ anyway, i did rose my hand at last, and he said 'thank you. God bless you.' haha~ it's like he's waiting for me to raise my hands! lolz~ =)

anyway, i learnt quite a number of things about God. i hope tat my faith can continue to be strenghten!! haha~ thank God for the heavy rain pour too [i'm like drenched, inside out! lolz~ together with foong cui btw.. haha~] Lord Jesus, thank you for coming into my life and making me who i am today. thank you Lord, for opening my heart to You Lord, or else, i'll neva find tat much of comfort tat i had found since You came. truly Lord, i thank You for dying at my sin. for through Your death, i can go to Father's side. really Lord.. thank You.. =)

-ah_xun faced death at 5:32 PM

Saturday, May 28, 2005

27th may: i think today is, maybe, the best day in the ward. thank God tat the staff are alrite, and the patients too. maybe not for some who scolded me today. i seriously dun think it's my fault! how do i know wat she wanted if she said, 'draw the curtain'. ok.. 'draw curtain' is simple enough to understand. so i drew it all the way to the side. normal people, like me, will do so. who knows, she shouted at me, 'no! dun draw, dun draw!' i was confused at the moment, so i stopped and looked at her. she gave a look tat said: this ger is so stupid!

anyway, she den said [not said, should be shout!], 'half-way only!' so i drew it half-way, and left. but dunno why, she shouted again!! now, she said 'not like tat! half way! more to the side!!'

tell you all.. i nearly screamed at her!! firstly, no clear instructons given. secondly, i'm not your slave!!! thirdly, can you please be polite at least! i know tat you are not feeling alrite, tat's why you are angry. but why do you wan to make other people angry too, just because of you! sigh.. anyway, thank God tat i didn't say any of those to her, or i'll be complained for sure.

28th may: monday is another day in tat dirty, lack-of-friendly-staff, bad-environment and very, very hot ward. how i hope i can escape working in tat ward! ah! so sianz!! =( sigh~ dunno why God wanna send me and my friends there for work. maybe He wanna test my patience, or perharps my faith for Him.. either way, i'm reaching my limit soon i fear.

anyway, today went out with my cousins and sisters to watch the movie 'madagascar'. a movie, indeed, for children. haha~ not tat i dun enjoy it, but the child behind me was like, pulling my hair, kicking my seat, making funny faces at the gap between the two seats, having the father to threaten to bring her home all the while but didn't help much.. blah~ blah~ how can you possibly ask me to enjoy it? i'm someone who need quiet, or maybe at least not too disturbing, atmosphere to concentrate. so, i felt tat i had wasted $9.50 today. sigh~ T_T

need to go to church tomorrow, for recharging. haha~ i felt so drained out working there.. may tomorrow be a God blessed day!!

-ah_xun faced death at 11:21 PM

Saturday, May 21, 2005

21st may: had been having attachment for the past 2 weeks. i felt tat all my energy had been drained out, not by the workload, but by my friend -- known as 'vase' [a nickname we gave her]. she lived up to her nick, standing at one side, talking to her friends and not doing the things tat she ought to do. sigh~!! dunno how can she even score high marks for the attachment! sigh!! luckily, from next week onwards, we are of different time slot, so i dun have to work with her for the next 2 weeks. thank God! ^^

anyway, exam time is over. i felt tat i may do well for the papers, at least for sure, i dun expect to see a 'd' in my result slip. hahaha~ so confident sia. 'scarly' i got all 'd's. lolz~ i must thank God for His kindness. i started studying like a few weeks before exam, one of the topic is one day before! thanks to praying to God, most of the questions tat came out were the ones tat i remembered most. hahaha~ so happy!

frankly speaking, i didn't even notice tat days passed by so quickly until i went out with my junior today. we talked fo the old times and some of the present. den suddenly she brought up tat the last time i ever saw her was one year back. tat shocked me a little, cos i felt tat we just saw each other a short while ago. haha~ old le.. old le.. memories are failing me.. sigh.. i always told my friends tat, and i always meant wat i said. i really felt tat i dun behave like a teenager, but rather, an old, dying woman. seems like, you are who you think you are. lolz~ =)

well, i was rather disappointed tat my senior didn't come out with us today. but come to think of it, if she really come out today, think she will be pretty quiet and is the person who will listen to wat me and our junior will be saying. haha~ so cannot blame her..

ok.. think i'll stop for a while. if i can think of anything ot write later, i'll be back! haha~

-ah_xun faced death at 7:46 PM