Death seeks me please...

Friday, September 24, 2004

24th september : today i so cold~ haha.. title like kind of exaggerating.. hee~ anyway, except monday, i came to school with kavi and jolyn for the whole week.. we alway talk and laugh.. a little hack care about what the rest of the passengers are thinking.. hee~ but i enjoyed every moment with them.. they alway take my worries and sorrows away from me~ hahaha.. i must thank you God, for bring them into my life :D it's always nice to have someone to talk to whenever you go to school [cos the journey is around an hour]. jolyn is always the one who started to sing. though i was a little uncomfortable, i accompanied her to sing.. and kavi? haha.. i think he's a little affected by us [esp. jolyn] cos sometimes he will sing with us. hahaha :D may God bless them!!

monday i went to school with someone. though we got talk, i felt a little weird.. like suddenly we two cannot communicate liao. maybe it's because of me.. recently, whatever thing she does, i will be a little 'buoy song' :P den we had so many quarrels and 2 nearly ended our friendship. i told her i dun like her 2 times liao and she asked me why i dun like her.. but i dun know wat to say cos dun like means dun like! :P haha.. like kind of selfish yea~ anyway, i think i dun like her cos the whole world like only notice her.. she's like the center of everything and me, as her 'friend', was only known as 'her friend'. i'm not jealous [i think] but a little cross cos she like kinda arrogant and starting to take friends for granted [cos whenever her friends are in trouble, she'll complain to me that it's none of her business, why must she be involved..] sigh~ maybe i'm backstabbing her now, saying bad things about her..

Father Lord, please help me.. i think the evil one is trying to take control of me. i dun wan to lose to him Father, so Lord, please give me the strength and wisdom to be able to make the right decisions and strengthen my faith for You, Father.. i'm scared that one day, me and that someone will not be friends anymore.. i mean Lord, i like our friendship in the begining, when i dun really know her that well.. preharps Lord, she had trusted the wrong person by telling and showing me her displeasure about the people around her.. Father, i know that i did showed mine too.. so Lord, please give me the strength to be able to accept her as who she is. Lord, please help me solve all the ties between us.. may i prayed for all these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

-ah_xun faced death at 10:25 AM

Thursday, September 23, 2004

23rd september : i went to sch with my new bag for the past 2 days.. and guess wat? first day i got myself cut [while playing a trick on my friend.. :P my fault.. hahaha] and today i thought i lost my handphone when my friend found it on the floor.. haha.. lame la.. anyway, i felt a little uncomfortable carrying this new bag.. i bought it in some old shop where it's quite dark and rather creepy.. an old lady with wrinkled face and long chin introduced me to buy it.. so i bought it.. preharps it's a cursed bag?

nah~ kidding :D haha.. i bought it in queentown shopping mall. it's a converse backpack. quite nice looking and very cool too! but when i put it on, i felt uneasy cos i very long time neva carry a backpack.. hee~ anyway, it's lucky that i found my handphone on the floor and lucky that i didn't manage to play that trick on my friend cos that might shaken my friendship and trust with her.. hahaha..

also today, i felt a little lonely though i was surrounded with friends from morning till now. maybe it's because i wanna find someone to talk to.. someone who i can share my problems with.. someone i can trust that he/she will not laugh at my 'problem'.. sigh~ i had been putting up a smile since morning.. in fact since the begining of this semester.. i'm quite tired and sick of this, cos when one day i dun feel like smiling, none of my friends dared to come near me and ask me how am i.. sigh~ so sad.. preharps i really dun have a true friend yet ba..

Father Lord.. please give me the strength that i need to be able to overcome the periods of time when i'm depressed, feel like giving up and times when i think there's no future. Father.. may i pray for the rest that i need.. physically and mentally. i know that Lord.. i need to bring joy to the people around me.. not sorrows.. not anger.. so Lord.. please refill me with the energy that i need to show them that i'm blessed by You. Amen.

-ah_xun faced death at 11:35 AM

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

22nd september : today i had my bio tests.. practical was tricky and mcq was straightforward.. and i made quite a number of careless mistakes :P haha.. actually not really careless ba.. i really dunno the answers.. hahaha.. :D anyway, today i came to sch with jolyn. she forgot to bring her notes for her presentation and was very stressed throughout the journey. i dunno wat to tell her.. but tried my best to quote life examples to cheer her up. and guess wat? i think i irritated her instead.. haha.. :P anyway, everything turned out well for her. her teacher even praised her for doing a good job.. hahaha..

from her lesson. i learnt that sometimes when things seems bad or going the opposite way you planned, pray.. and God will help you. haha.. and also, this may mean that God has a better way that He thought will be better for you.. that's why He didn't remind you about the things that you forgot to do before the mess comes about. lol.. i read this part several times and i dun really understand myself.. :P ahaha..

anyway, may God bless jolyn and me for the rest of today, with the energy to be able to enjoy today and peacefulness [cos both of us are quite stress recently, esp. jolyn.. haha..] :D Amen.

-ah_xun faced death at 10:26 AM

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

21st september : haha.. i passed my retest!! :D God!! thank you!! hahaah.. and thanks for my friends who came to support me, friends who wished me 'all the best' & 'God bless you'.. hahaha.. i was so scared earlier.. but now like so happy.. hee~ cannot stop laughing.. hahaha..

anyway, today class starts at 5pm and ends at 7pm.. i have been staying in the e plaza for the past 3+ hours. maybe i'm feeling bored, i went to yahoo earlier and typed in my real name. haha.. guess wat i found out? i saw my class 4b's homepage!! :D lol.. like so long neva see that page liao.. a lot of feelings rushed into my mind.. well, no tears la.. haha.. just glad that the page is still there.. i hoped that ridaz can update it.. haha.. very fun --- i showed my poly friends how i looked like in sec sch.. haha.. we had a good laugh :P

but thank God for allowing me to see this again. i nearly forgotten the good times we had in sec sch.. haha.. well, well~ hope that i can see them again soon.. but this time, i'll talk more compared to in class ba.. haaha.. Father Lord, please bless and guide them in every path that You're planning for us. Father.. please let us come together, as a whole, during our class chalet. please Father, make them and us free on that day of the chalet that some of us are ogranising.. thank you Lord!! :D

-ah_xun faced death at 1:13 PM

Monday, September 20, 2004

20th september : today is another cold day.. haha.. saw my friend in e-plaza.. well, i think God is blessing me today. i can feel His love.. lolz. but really lor.. i think wat i am today, i own it to Him. i think i'm better at coping with my friends.. last time, whenever i quarrelled with them, i always avoid them and refused to talk to them.. haha.. childish la.. but now, i avoid them at first, then after a few days, i'll talk to them, and try to patch back. maybe now more experience liao.. :D

anyway, today i went to see my teacher for practice [btw.. tml i retest le~ scare sia!!]. she guided me.. and taught me very patiently.. haha.. come to think of it, i used to dislike her. as day goes by, i find her interesting and surpising patient and smart :D well~ neva judge the book by it's appearance. i knew this long, long time ago, but seems like i neva is able to apply it in life.. :P

well, well.. may i pray that God will lead and guide me along the path of life. and that Lord, please help me in the decision-making that i must make. God bless me!! :D

-ah_xun faced death at 11:20 AM

Friday, September 17, 2004

17th september : i'm bloated now.. ate so much stuff.. think there's goes my diet plan again.. lol.. anyway, today i won a prize for a bingo game. i was one of the 8 lucky winners :D thank God!! haha.. very happy.. then after the bingo game, i got another prize for completing a cross-word puzzle competition which was held last week. indeed.. God did bless me although i did something nasty last night. i prayed for forgiveness but still felt guilty.. anyway God, sorry for doing 'it' again and again.. and breaking your trust for me.. sorry.. please give me the discipline and strength not to do it anymore. sorry Lord..

i had problem maintaining my relationship with God. whenever it seems that i did very well maintaining it, somehow or rather, i will do something that affect our relationship. sigh~ i was thinking.. it's either God is testing me.. or the evil one is tempting me and trying to break our bond. how i hope that i can be like the christians in the christian books, able to withstand temption and truly trust in the Lord with all their heart. Father God, please give me the strenght to be able to be like them.. to be able to really trust You in times of troubles.. and to remember that You are the creator of the world.. may i pray for all these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

-ah_xun faced death at 10:36 AM

Thursday, September 16, 2004

16th september : yesterday was so much fun!! me, violet, angie and rebecca went to chinese garden to view the lanterns, designed with disney characters and characters from journey to the west. it cost $9.. though a little expensive but i think it worth the price ;) when we just stepped in, we began taking photos.. haha.. like very weird cos we were blocking the way to the bridge :P and guess wat? we were like under a 'camera curse'.. firstly, we went around the whole garden searching for a shop that sold films.. then after a while, the camera went on low battery, so we went back to the shop to buy the batteries.. thirdly, our photos were exposed to light when we took 30 liao.. sigh~ all our efforts of posing.. hahaha.. but neva mind la. the thing is we truly enjoyed ourselves.. and we got lost for around 3-4 times? lol.. call ourselves geograpy students somemore.. hahaha.. :D anyway, we managed to leave the garden after figuring out the map. den becca went home by train and the rest of us took a taxi home. lucky i took a cab.. when i reached home, i was dead tired.. can't imagine if i had taken the train.. haha..

on 14 sep night, i prayed for rain in the afternoon and not to rain at night [cos the garden opens from 5pm onwards]. thank God for giving me wat i prayed for :D !! i rather the weather to be humid than for it to rain [esp when i'm outside].. haha.. and thank God for the energy to be able to enjoy every moment when we saw each other, all the way till the day end! thank you, God!!

as for today, it was another cold day. i dun feel like going to sch today one.. but cos my card was with me, and my gulity consicence works pretty well when i felt blessed by God, i came.. hahaha.. i had chicken rice for breakfast-cum-lunch.. very delicious~ hahaha.. anyway, now got 5 hours of break.. dunno wat to do also.. sigh~ why today ending class at 7pm~ ah~ i wanna go home and sleep le.. hahaha.. Father God, bless me with the energy that i need to be able to pass today fruitfully. thank you Lord! :D

-ah_xun faced death at 11:39 AM

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

15th september : i failed my test yesterday.. hahaha.. dunno should be happy or sad cos got 2 of my good friends in class failed with me.. lol.. tell you an important thing i forgot to do that lead to my failure. i prayed that i will picked out UC [a procedure] out of 7 cards, and i did.. then i was so happy that i forgot to pray for a pass and forgot to give thanks.. lol.. really very funny.. always like that one. whenever i got the things i prayed for, i usually forgot to give thanks to God or forgot to pray that i will use it wisly. for instance: i got my playstation, i forgot to give thanks and prayed that it will last long, 3 years later, it spolit. haha.. in fact this type of things happened a lot of times in my life. and i always remind myself about it, but i always forget when it happen. sigh~ anyway, i wasn't very sad.. just disappointed about the result. but i still thank God for giving me this experience. without failure, one will be proud and forget about being humble. haha.. that's what i learnt! :D

when i got home, i told my siblings that i failed but they dun believe at first, cos i was laughing and smiling.. haha.. i was thinking cos God is carrying me through, that's why i felt blessed even though i failed. hahah.. thank God!! anyway, the only moment i felt like crying is this morning when i told my mother that i failed the test. i apologized to her and she looked at me, and smiled. then she said it's ok. to tell you the truth, i was really touched about it. if i passes, i dun think i will appreciate my mother that much. haha.. another msg that i think God wan me to know. thanks a lot God!! thanks for teaching me and reminding me about the things around me. thank you God for reminding me to pray for the people and for the things that i cared for and for people who cared for me. :D really Lord.. thanks!! :D

-ah_xun faced death at 10:21 AM

Monday, September 13, 2004

13 september : i'm so scared.. tml got practical test!! aiyo.. dunno why i'm so afraid of the test.. maybe cos i neva practice enough ba.. haha :P i studied liao.. but dunno anything entered my brain.. haha.. sianz sia.. may God bless me and my friends who will be having exam today and tml and for the rest of the week.. :D anyway, today i will be going home early.. hahaha.. so happy. starts sch at 1200 and ends at 1300.. hee~ but i'll be staying back to do some revision.. haha.. ok la.. g2g.. cya~

-ah_xun faced death at 11:40 AM

Friday, September 10, 2004

10th september : like wat i said recently.. today is another cool day.. i woke up early.. at around 0500, bathed, had my breakfast, out of my house, had 2 lectures [first one i nearly slept, second one i drew to keep myself awake.. :P], ate my lunch [ban main- the previous time i ate it, i had diarrhoea.. haha..] and now in e-plaza.. typing my blog :D

i had a light sleep yesterday night.. in fact i had light sleeps recently.. dunno wat happened to me.. can't get to sleep and the moment i closed my eyes for a while, my alarm clock rang.. haha.. so funny.. stressed? i dun think so. i was feeling troubled a few days ago, but now ok liao. sigh~ hope i get a 'good' night sleep today.. weird to say this, but i felt more awake, more engery than usual. indeed.. it's weird.. >=(

anyway, today i did nothing much and doesn't had any thoughts of the day.. haha.. but may God bless me with the energy for today!! :D hmm.. this idea suddenly came into my mind.. maybe He wants me to rest today. haha~ maybe there's another storm coming my way.. or maybe i'm thinking too much? haha.. well~ wat can i say..

Father God, please guide me in the future obstacles that are approaching and keep me by Your side. DIscipline me and give me the strenght not to do or say anything that will hurt anyone's feeling. May i pray for all these things in Jesus's most precious name. Amen.

-ah_xun faced death at 10:34 AM

Thursday, September 09, 2004

9th september : i nearly overslept today.. supposed to wake up at 0530.. but who knows, i woke up at 0630 instead.. haha.. den i rushed all the way to sch.. and i'm late by 1 min.. lol :D luckily our sch got 10 min grace before the class starts.. or i'll need to answer a call from sgh.. haha.. tyco~ dunno wat's happening to the weather.. it's getting colder each day [in the morning] and so, so hot in the night.. maybe cos i got no aircorn in my house ba..

but anyway, after yesterday's entry, i was feeling a little sad for the whole day.. i could hardly smile and talk.. but today i'm a lot better.. haha.. i remembered wanting to write this sentence but after long thinking, i decided not to. it goes : is there really someone who's willing to sacrifice his life for me? miracle happened yesterday night and today.. :D

i received a sms which said something like : you mind? can you talk to me today if you have the time? cos i want to hear from you.. cos i love you.. and i'll wait for your reply.. sender = Jesus Christ.

i was shocked to get a msg like this. but after a while, i was glad that God came to me through my friend [who sent me the msg]. i think He wants to remind me that there's Jesus Christ who had already sacrificed his life for me, two thousand and four years ago. He gave his life for me even before i asked this question.. well, i nearly cried when i thought about the 'could-be' reason that i received this sms.. Thank God for answering my question which i was a little embarrassed to post.. really.. thanks a lot :D

then this morning, while going to sch with jolyn, she let me hear some songs that she thought was inspiring.. so i listened. all the songs.. ok la.. not all but most of them are about being able to have self confidence and believe that God make each of us individually. and the best part, the last song that we heard was 'when you believe'.. haha.. like everything was linked.. that's when i felt better!! :D

for people out there who read this entry, trust in God. He will deliver your sorrows and answer all your questions that you never dared to ask. maybe it will take some min, days, mth and even years.. He will answer them and it's always at the correct moment of life :D He will provide you with comfort and rest when you ask Him for it. i tried it and got it. TRY Him.. it's your benefit!! :D anyway, may God bless anyone who cared for me, everyone who i cared for, and anyone who [by chance or fate] read this bloggie.. bless them with the answers, comfort and rest that they craved for.. thank you God!! :D

-ah_xun faced death at 11:35 AM

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

8th september : come to think of it, there's 4 guys who i really like in my life. in my pri sch, there's Y-san.. i admired him since pri. 4.. when i come to sec sch, there's M-san.. in poly, there's two [but none of them are from my poly].. namely L-san who i know through a online game.. and V-san, the first person who told me that he likes me.. so of course, V-san meant a lot in my life and he's the only guy who told me that he dun care about the size of his future gf but wat matter is the heart.. but cos that time i still like L-san, i rejected him.. some may think that i'm a flirt.. liking so many guys over the past 8 years.. i think so myself.. but the above 2 guys [Y & L] dunno that i liked them.. i was just plainly admiring them.. as for M-san, i told him.. but he didn't have any reactions.. so i take it as a 'no, no'..

the reason i wrote this was because this morning [at around 0321] V-san and i had our first chat over the phone. i was excited.. and scared [cos since the last time he so-called 'propose' and i rejected, we hardly talk at all for around 5 mth].. but when he called, firstly he forgot my name, secondly, he forgot how we met.. and the worst, he mistood me for another girl friend that he had. den here comes my conclusion for him.. V-san is not my cup of tea.. but we can be good friends cos he's easy to talk to & there's no barrier in talking to him.. but i'm hurt.. really, really hurt.. do guys only remember pretty girls? this question keeps on appearing on my mind..

now i start to wonder.. is there really such love that love songs alway come with? sigh..

may today be a good day for me.. God.. please guide me to choose the right choices in life.. and give me the strenght that i need to go through this life that You have given me.. Father.. i'm sick and tired of my love life.. give me the rest that i craved for.. may i pray for all these things in Jesus's name. Amen.

-ah_xun faced death at 10:08 AM

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

6th september : it was fun!! i felt so alive in the morning and in the evening.. but the afternoon.. haha... anyway, i did nothing much.. so~ haha.. nothing to write too.. but i glad that one of my sec sch friends actually waited for me till 8pm, just to go home together.. :D so happy.. thank God for bringing her to me.. and thank God that our friendship is still blooming :) that's the good part of today.. the bad part: i said something not too nice to hear to my once-very-good friend.. so gulity now.. hey ger!! dunno whether you'll actually read my blog.. if so.. i just wanna say sorry to you.. SORRY!

7th september : indeed.. very cold le~!!! lucky i wear black [can absorb heat :D] today is my bro's and my niece's birthday~ HAPPY B'DAE!! :D so fast.. my bro is offically 16 now.. and my niece is only 3.. haha.. big generation gap sia.. but both of them are equally cheeky and cute ;) sigh~ how i wanted to just go home now instead of staying in school.. very nice to sleep.. aiyo~!! so sianz sia!! next class starts at 5pm.. i wanna go home~ but the thought of going home empty- handed.. haha.. i think i rather stay in school.. :P so indecsive~ may God bless my day!!! :D

-ah_xun faced death at 3:27 PM

Monday, September 06, 2004

3rd september : i woked up in the morning and started revising for my bio.. miracle that i studied.. haha.. maybe cos i was feeling refreshed in the morning, in fact for the whole day.. haha.. must be God blessed me.. :D anyway.. i'm a good girl [LOL] i helped my mother with the housechores which i usually loath to do so.. hee~ then i watched TV [but usually i'll play MU online.. but cos no internet.. sigh~] REALLY lor~!!! i really think that i wasn't myself today.. too 'guai' for my standard.. LOL.. good thing or bad thing?? haha..

then today i went to eat KFC with my bro and my younger sis.. and guess wat?? we were so-called the center of attraction in the restaurant.. cos.. formula: bro + sis = disaster. to tell you the truth, i neva doubt this formula to be wrong.. haha.. it always work.. since they were born ba.. till now~ haha.. happy to see them to be so close since my bro is 16 and sis is 15.. cos usually boy who reaches 16 will be a odd thorn out of nowhere.. :D that's not the end of my embarrassment day.. when we were leaving, i accidently spilled my cup of coke.. sigh~ so maloo!! then the worst part, my sis quickly packed her bag and attempted to go!! so bad!! but funny when you come to think of it.. hahaha.. :D thanks God for making my day enjoyable!! :)

4th september : er.. i dun really remember wat i did today except playing PS and studying for tuesday's exam.. haha.. :D oh ya.. i drew quite a number of pictures today.. slept at around 0200 ++ and the most funniest part, one of my pri sch friend still wasn't asleep and we chatted for a while through sms.. very funny cos first time so late still chatting..

5th september : i dun really like today cos my parents were doing some offering for the seventh month.. and i needed to help in it.. sigh~ [i'm a christian..] but after that, i enjoyed the show on You channel.. the 7 pm one.. haha.. very nice~!! me and family like very long neva all sit together and watch TV.. miss those good old days!! sigh~

-ah_xun faced death at 1:43 PM

heh.. so long then write.. my house's internet no $$ to pay.. so gonna cut off.. hahaha.. anyway, here's my entries for the past few days~ :D

31st august : i went back to my sec sch.. saw a lot of friends and juniors and exchanged a lot of no.. saw my teachers [i'm shocked that some still remember me.. haha.. so touched~ :P] but sad that 2/8 of my teachers left the sch.. sigh~ then after that.. i went for the chalet!! hahah.. and i was drenched [from head to toe] but it was a fun experience.. haha.. i remembered that i was drenched too for our previous chalet.. is this fate?? hmm.. but anyway, it's an enjoyable day. me and my friends ate a lot of stuff~ satay, potato chips, chocolates, baby potatoes, roti prata [made by paswati- my poly classmate], a lot of hotdogs.. yummie yum yum.. haha~ hope that there will be another chalet after our exam~ :D thank God for the lovely day and for my friends who turned up that day!!! :)

1st september : HAPPY BIRTHDAY HETTY!!! sorry that i neva give you a birthday present.. :( i'm broke.. deadly broke.. SORRY!! but hope that you'll be wiser and happier in your new chapter of life :D

2nd september : HAPPY BIRTHDAY JING JING + HUAYPING!! these two friends are two of my pri sch best friends.. so long neva see them.. i missed them.. and hope that God will let us see each other soon..

neva do anything much today.. only study a little bit of the bio.. haha.. wat a boring day!!

-ah_xun faced death at 1:24 PM